


The Moon is the Gateway to the Soul

by nightmare_nostalgia



Category: My Babysitter's A Vampire
Genre: Benny is based of of my problems right now, I really hope this turns out good, It's sad at first but it gets better I promise, M/M, kind of a rant fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:41:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27399649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightmare_nostalgia/pseuds/nightmare_nostalgia
Summary: TW: this story contains suicidal thoughts, depression and eating disorder.."The moon is the gateway to the soul. Remember that Benjamin."And he did. So when he was at his lowest, he remembered the words his mother once told him and looked outside.... But the moon was nowhere to be found.
Relationships: Ethan Morgan/Benny Weir
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	The Moon is the Gateway to the Soul

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, welcome back to one of my works!!! This one's kinda sad, but it gets better at the end. This fic also contains suicidal thoughts, depression and eating disorder so watch out for that. Anyways, enjoy :)!!!

Ethan was gone. He still lived next door, but elected that they take a break from their friendship. Which, first of all, what the fuck does a break from a friendship mean? Second of all, Benny didn't know how long this 'break' would be and he was internally flipping his shit. A week? Two weeks? A month? MORE??!?!?!?! So now Benny was huddled up on his bed, in the dark, crying his fucking eyes out because he can't call Ethan. He can't talk to Ethan. He can't hear Ethan. He can't see Ethan. He can't make roll his eyes and grin at the same time. He can't make Ethan laugh so hard he loses his breath. And by god that fucking hurts. So he cries because a world without Ethan Morgan is hell on earth.

 _"The moon is the gateway to this soul. Remember that Benjamin."_

And he did. So in his lowest moment, he remembered his mother's words. He stood up and his legs felt like jello and he nearly fell on the floor. He grabbed onto the bed and let his feet and legs get used to standing for the first time in hours. Once stable, he walked over to his window, which just so happened to be parallel to Ethan's window, and looked up at the black sky that contained a splash of blue pigment. But the moon was nowhere to be found. 'Thank you moon, I really needed that right now,' Benny thought to himself sarcastically as he walked over to his bedroom door, 'Maybe I should go outside and get some fresh air'.

Benny slowly turned the doorknob and opened the hopefully not creaky door. The door wasn't creaky. Score Benny 1, Universe 1,234,567. He tiptoed down the stairs and squinted his eyes at every creaky step. Yes, Grandma Weir was asleep, but it didn't take much to wake her up and Benny did not want to explain why his eyes were puffy and red, there were tear marks running down his cheeks and why he hadn't left his room all day. And finally, he made his touchdown on the porch. Score Benny 2, Universe [ERROR].

Benny took a deep breath in. The coolness of the night air gave Benny the chills. Deep breath out. It felt good smelling something other than his skin, jeans and tears. But he was still on his mission to find the moon. For what reason? He wanted to know that it was still there, unlike everyone else in his life. Mom: died, dad: fucked off, Ethan: also fucked off, Rory: probably sided with Ethan and Sarah and Erica: didn't give two shits about him anyways. Sure, he had his grandma, but she didn't really care about his emotions; that's what friends are for, right? Well, at the moment Benny had none. He looked up into the sky, still no sight of that pearl colored ball. 'I'll have more luck in the backyard,' Benny thought, still a sliver of determination.

Benny snuck back into his house to get around back and exited the backdoor. He took another deep breath, sending another round of chills down his spine. It was a nice feeling. He looked up to the sky and......it wasn't there. The one thing that needed almost as much as Ethan right now wasn't there. That was it. That was the last tick. Benny. Went. Batshit. "Why the fuck are you not there?!!?" Benny screamed at the sky as if the moon was purposefully hiding itself from Benny's view and could hear his breakdown, "The one fucking time I need you and you're not here? Please. I need this. For mom. Prove her right, please." Benny's yelling turned into whimpers and tears as he fell to the ground. Tears built up in his eyes and flooded down his cheeks. He wanted so badly for the moon to show itself.

"If not for me, for mom."

* * *

Benny slowly fluttered his eyelashes open to find himself in his bedroom. Last thing he remember was flipping out in the backyard curled up in a ball. Then the thought that his grandma found him curled up in a ball in the backyard crossed his mind. Uh oh. Just then, the door cracked open and Benny averted his eyes to it.

"Well, g'morning sleepy head. Never thought you'd wake up," was what a cheery grandma chimed as she pushed the door fully opened and sat down on the bed next to Benny's legs, "Ethan found you curled up in a ball in the backyard and brought you inside." Evelyn took a sip of her tea.

"Ethan..." Benny mumbled to himself and let his voice trail off. How the fuck did Ethan find him back there? Why? Just why? He looked over to his grandma who held a confused look on her face.

"What happened between you and him? You haven't talked to him in a few days. Is everything ok?" 

"Y-yeah...we're fine." Ok, so maybe his grandma did care about his emotions, but Benny wasn't willing to open up. He never did. Was that something he needed to work on? Yes very much. Was he willing to work on it? No. Benny just didn't think that anyone would care if he opened up about wanting to kill himself, but never taking that final push. He didn't think anyone would care that he hated himself so bad to the point of avoiding mirrors because all they did was remind him of how pathetic he was. He didn't think anyone would care that he was so repulsed by himself that he thought everyone else hated him just as much, so he just wouldn't get out of bed. He read stories of people that had it way worse than him so his problems can't be that bad, right?

"Ok.....but if anything's wrong between you two, you can always talk to me." Evelyn had a reassuring tone and Benny almost fell for it. She stood up from the bed and rustled Benny's hair a bit while waiting for an answer.

"Uh-yeah, I'll tell you." Benny was still a bit dazed from just waking up and finding out Ethan saw him in his most fucked up of positions because of him. That made Benny hate himself even more than he thought he could because him be so vulnerable in front of someone that was not so ideal to be vulnerable in front of at the moment. Or ever. 

"Ok good. I love you Ben." Grandma Weir left, closing the door behind her. Benny was just left there to think about how the fuck Ethan found him in the backyard. Probably because of the screaming. And sure enough Benny beat himself up for screaming so fucking loud 3 a.m. He looked over at his window. Trying to adjust to the light of day is what he lied to himself. Really, he was looking for Ethan. And sure enough, the smaller boy was at his desk. Benny tried to avert his eyes, but something kept them locked on him. And for a millisecond, Ethan looked Benny directly in his eyes. It felt like an eternity that the browns eyes met the green ones. 

Just as soon as it happened, it was done. Ethan had looked away and Benny's followed after, but it left Benny longing for more contact. 'It probably meant nothing. I mean, he was sitting right by the window, no wonder he looked up' Benny thought as he got out of his bed. It was time to start the day. 'Maybe I'll skip breakfast today and go out to get some fresh air.'

Benny made his way to the bathroom to meet a big mirror. Shit. Benny + mirrors = self hatred and very much crying. Benny was not up for crying right then. He muttered a spell under his breath and walked in front of the mirror to find no reflection. The spell worked, now let's hope he didn't let an alternate version of him out of the mirror. _**'You're pathetic. You have to use a fucking spell just to cover up your shit face. Just kill yourself already'**_ Ah, there goes the demons that flooded his head. Even without looking in the mirror. 

'One day that's gonna get to me.... I can feel that day getting awfully close...' Benny thought to himself as he started brushing his teeth. Usually he'd trying to make it out of there as fast as possible, but something was telling him this time around that it was ok to take his time. When he was finished with his slower than usual oral hygiene routine, he made his way back to his bedroom to pick out some clothes for the day.

'What should I wear today? Blue and white or orange and gray?' Benny asked himself and the voice-no, demon crept back in.

 ** _'You look ass in either one. Why do you wear strips all the time? Does help to hide all the trauma?'_** the voices taunted.

'Fine, I'll just go with a plain shirt.' Benny rolled his eyes and pulled out a plain red shirt from deep within his closet. He slipped the shirt over his head and it fit better than he expected since he hadn't worn it once. He put on some light blue jeans that contrasted the red hue of his shirt nicely and he was ready for the day. He didn't feel like a shower was necessary and he told himself he'll do it later. 

He successfully snuck out of the house, but that's when he saw it. Ethan Morgan, in the flesh, walking towards Benny Weir, not so in the flesh, and was smiling. Usually, Benny would melt at his cheerfulness, but right now he was in panic mode. What would he do? What would he say? Is this gonna be about the whole backyard situation? Or was it gonna be about the 'break' they were on? Oh god he was close now. He's gonna start talking at any min-

"Hey!" Ethan said in an all too happy tone that freaked Benny out more than he was, which was impossible, but still managed to happen.

"H-hi." Benny said in a monotone voice that he didn't intend, but it just came out. He stuck his vision to the ground for a second or two until he looked up at Ethan. Calling Ethan beautiful was an understatement. His eyes shone bright in the sunlight that held the hue of chocolate. His skin was glowing, figuratively, and the blue color of his shirt highlighted it so perfectly. That's it, he was perfect.

"Is everything ok?" Ethan asked and snapped Benny out of his trance. Benny nodded his head sheepishly, which at that point was a reflex to that question, and Ethan smiled harder. "Good, well I-um. Wanted to talk about us. Just-c'mon."

Ethan grabbed onto Benny's wrist and pulled the taller boy into his house. Once in Ethan's room, all fell silent. Benny was waiting for Ethan to say something because he had no idea what the other boy wanted to talk about and Ethan was deep in thought.

"Are you ok?" is what Ethan muttered, breaking the silence. Benny raised an eyebrow because he sounded...sad. He sounded like he wanted to pry the answer out of Benny, but was too weak to do so. So Benny put on a smile, just for Ethan.

"Yea, I'm fine." Benny replied and Ethan sighed. He looked defeated, like he was losing a fight that he knew he wouldn't win.

"Lemme rephrase that. I know you're not ok. I heard you screaming at 3 in the morning and when I came out to check on you, you were passed out on the floor. What's wrong B? Is it because we're on a break?" Dammit Ethan and always knowing everything about Benny.

"Like I said E, I'm fine. It was just a rough night. It has nothing to do with us."

'Just tell him how you feel.' Benny thought, 'He won't be mad,'

"You're lying Ben." Ethan said and why the fuck did he have to know every little thing about Benny? "Please just tell me what's wrong. I don't like it when you're sad." Ethan reached over and grabbed Benny's hands. And Benny was about to melt into a pile of goo right there on the floor.

"I don't know...I guess I've just been missing mom lately." It wasn't a full lie, but it wasn't a full truth. Hopefully Ethan would take the bait and by the look on his face, he did. Although, he still looked like he wasn't buying it.

"And...." Ethan insinuated that there was more. Shit. Ethan was definitely catching on. But Benny could trust Ethan and both of them knew that. So Benny elected to only him some and get into more later.

"Well, I just want you to know that it's not your fault for the way I'm feeling right now, but I feel really lonely. I mean, my mom's dead, my dad fucked off, you're gone and I never had a good connection with any of the vamps and I feel like I can't tell grandma anything without her criticizing me. I just want someone I can talk to." Ethan's expression was soft and willing to listen. That's what Benny needed right now.

Ethan pulled Benny off of the desk chair and into a hug. Yeah, Ethan was perfect. "I'll always be here for you. You can tell me ANYTHING. I will never leave your side and I need you to know that." Ethan pulled away from the hug and the other boy nodded.

It just them, staring at each other and GOD did Benny want to kiss Ethan. He was beyond perfect. He was what Benny needed and he didn't need a lot of things. The demon in his head was screaming bloody murder at him, but he didn't hear them because that's the effect Ethan had on him. So, in a surge of emotions, being caught in the moment and even little hints love, he leaned in a kissed Ethan Morgan.

And he didn't kiss back.

'SHIT THIS WAS A BAD IDEA!'

_**'No shit Sherlock. Told you it was a stupid idea.'** _

'WELL I WAS JUST GOING OFF OF EMOTION. I'M FUCKING SORRY!'

 _ **'You better be. Now he's never gonna forgive you. Told you all that sappy shit was a lie.'**_

'JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!'

"I-I'm s-sorry" Benny apologized and made a swift exit out that fucking door. And on his way home his thoughts and demons were in heated argument.

_**'Well if you would've listened to me, we wouldn't be in this FUCKING position!'** _

'Well I'm sorry I'm a hormonal teenager, like I can control that type of shit.'

_**'You are so pathetic. Just give up. He doesn't like you and you're hopelessly in love with him.'** _

'I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM AND YOU DON'T KNOW HOW THE FUCK HE FEELS TOWARD ME SO SHUT THE FUCK UP!'

Benny slammed his bedroom door closed and just started crying. He fucked up his friendship, like the dumbass he was. Or at least he thought he was. And he was _so close_ to giving in to the stupid demons in head and ending it all.

* * *

"Benny, please wake up." It was Ethan. And Benny was waking up from who the fuck knows when at who the fuck knows where. If he didn't stop completely blacking out before he went to sleep, he was gonna do some stupid shit with no recollection. And oh, it was Ethan, you know, the one he kissed and embarrassed himself in front of him not to long ago. Or it could've been long ago.

"Hey, how long was I out?" Yeah, Benny was freaking out because he kissed Ethan and was planning on avoiding any mention of it and, knowing Ethan, he would probably want to bring it up, but he was still dazed from sleep just enough to not care.

"Not that long I don't think. I just got here because I wanted to talk." Dammit. That's exactly what he didn't want to do and here they are, about to talk. So Benny, being the smartest spell caster around, put a sleeping spell on Ethan. Benny's eyes immediately widened realizing how much of a dumbass he was.

_**'Now why the fuck did you that?'** _

'I-I don't know. I just did the first thing that came to mind. Fuck, how do I reverse it?' Benny stood up from his bed and grabbed his spell book. He started pacing through his room, attention occasionally focusing on the unconscious boy on the floor.

_**'What if there isn't reversal spell? What is he hates you when he wakes up? Hmm?'** _

'Not helping'

 _ **'Well, I'm not really supposed to help'**_ Benny continued to desperately flip through pages in his book until Ethan started moving. Fuck. He was waking up. Benny's eyes blew to full proportion.

"Huh? Wh-what happened. Benny! Did you use your sleeping spell on me?!" Ethan was awake. And Ethan was mad. And that was the last thing Benny wanted Ethan to be right now. He couldn't take it anymore, so he broke down.

"I-Ethan I'm so sorry I didn't mean to. I w-wasn't th-thinking." Benny felt tears tugging at the corners of his eyes and his voice starting to get whiny and by GOD if Benny was gonna start crying right then and there. And there goes the first tear slowly rolling down his cheek as if to taunt him that he was feeling any other emotion but happiness in front of Ethan. And there goes the sniffling and Benny feels so fucking useless at that moment and he drops down on his knees. He felt so fucking pathetic because he can't even look at Ethan because his eyes are fogged up with tears.

"Woah, woah, woah! It's ok Ben, I'm not mad. Well, I am, but that's not what you want to hear right now." Ethan tried to reassure Benny, but that was not working.

 _ **'Well, I am, but that's not what you want to hear.'**_ And now, instead of a demon being there, it was Ethan's voice, echoing in Benny's brain, bouncing off the walls of his head. So, Ethan really didn't care about him and was only nice to him to rope him into a false sense of security. Great.

"Benny, what's wrong" Is what Ethan asked after Benny didn't reply, but instead sobbed.

"Wh-what's wrong? What's wrong is that _-sniffle-_ you hate me and I've trying so hard to _-sniffle-_ be good to you and be a good _-sniffle-_ friend, but I just can't" It was a pain, but Benny finally managed the sentence through sobs and sniffles. He still couldn't see shit, but a blur of colors and the figure of Ethan.

"I don't hate you and you are a good friend. The best one, actually. Why do you think that?"

"Because I'm a shit person and I hate myself so so so much for that reason and sometimes I just wanna end it all because I don't want anyone else to have to put up with me like I put up with myself. And sometimes I don't wanna get outta bed so that people don't have interact with me. And it fucking hurts, Ethan because I feel like nobody cares. And one part of me thinks that they shouldn't care, but the other part of me wants so fucking bad for people to care. But they just don't. And that's fine I guess. I'll just bottle up my feelings or whatever."

"Benny! I care! I FUCKING CARE ABOUT YOU! AND I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO HAPPEN TO YOU! I LOVE YOU BENNY! And I don't just mean platonicly. I'm in love with you B. And I care about how you feel. And I want to keep you here with me for as long as possible."

"You what?" Benny's voice was high and squeaky because, well, Ethan just told Benny that he loves him. 

"I'm in love with you Benjamin Weir." Ethan was now whispering and staring at Benny straight on. He wasn't lying. And Benny could see now because he had stopped crying. 

"I-I," Benny started out stuttering because 1, Ethan Morgan just confessed his fucking feelings (that were very much reciprocated) to him and 2, this was the first time that he had to make a decision without that little demon voice there. For as long as Benny could remember, every little thing he did was criticized by that nasty voice in his head, but for once it wasn't there. "I-um. I love you too Ethan Morgan."

And smile grew on both of their faces because, they were in love and more importantly, with each other. And they bother surged into a hug, almost bonking their heads together, and they held on tight for what could've been an eternity. That is, until Ethan pulled away and cupped Benny's cheeks in his hands. Now they were both crying because THEY WERE IN LOVE GODDAMMIT! And Ethan closed the tiny space between them, connecting their lips.

It felt like they were floating amongst the clouds, being guided by love itself to a place far, far away. But that was ok, because they were together. All they needed was each other. And those stupid voices were gone. He didn't need to be lectured on every little thing he did because Ethan was there. And Ethan had the power of all the gods combined. It seemed as though they forgot breathing was a thing, or forgot that they needed it to live, so when they pulled away from the kiss they were panting. But that was ok. Ethan's hands still had Benny's face cupped and he pulled their heads together so their foreheads were touching.

Ethan whispered, "I'd lose my breath for you any day Benny."

Benny replied, "Yeah, me too." and smiled harder, if that was even possible.

.

.

.

That night, Benny and Ethan were laying in Benny's bed. The only light in the room was the moonlight. Benny looked out his window and at the full moon that was out that night.

'Thanks mom, I love you.' 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading the fic!! As always, more MBAV content coming soon. Until next time, please take care of yourself, at least for me. Bye!!!!!


End file.
